MACC CRASH OUT OF CUP

`The roses have faded, there’s frost at my door, the birds in the morning don’t sing anymore`.

Macc C `borrowed` a couple of players from the not-so-forbidden tree and were able to stop the haemorrhaging of points from the top order. Unfortunately this couldn’t stop the hybrid team from being unceremoniously dumped out of the Presidents Cup at Marple. First up was Marc being Marc thrusting his pawns onwards with lines so sharp it was like watching a laser cut through butter. David P was having none of it though and when the debris was checked it looked to be all things equal until Marc blundered a piece 0-1. On my other side, an equalising blunder by Alan and his dancing horses allowing Denzil a bishop fork of Queen and King (when will someone gift me a game)? 1-1. Next to be ground down was Tom on board 5, beaten by Chris, a consistent player 34 grading points higher. Tom will return to winning ways soon of that I am certain. We now needed 1 ½ points to progress by board elimination. Ant was holding firm with the black pieces against Paul on top board whilst Man with Hat was not. I had made a complete hash of the opening (AGAIN)! On the plus side, MWH had shown resourcefulness a plenty in order to be last man standing. It’s a very lonely place to be surrounded by the baying mob and this was Man with Hat’s second successive year at this venue trying in vain for a win that was only ever achievable theoretically. A stylish finish from MWH as he pirouettes off his chair knocking all of the remaining pieces over. Just time to find my King, pick it up again to put it down before congratulating my opponent Andy on his worthy victory.

I can hear the dulcet tones of Mrs Hat `Get over it`!

BATTERED AGAIN

Man with Hat’s reputation is now in tatters, his job is hanging by a thread and his dreams of becoming BBC Sports Personality of the Year lie buried in the Wilmslow quick-sands. On an Autumnal evening at the Royal British Legion, Macclesfield C slumped to their second consecutive defeat of biblical proportions.

The KoolKat and I had been working tirelessly throughout the night to assemble 2 teams for trips to Fenton and Wilmslow respectively. I didn’t actually get up until after I had gone to bed.

Board 2, Man with Hat v Richard. 12 moves in and it’s a howler from MWH. I allow my opponent to step up pressure on the B1 – H7 diagonal whilst indirectly attacking my knight and directly attacking my bishop. Sometimes in chess you can make such a bad move that your opponent thinks you’re an idiot and subconsciously they might make lazy and implicitly weaker moves that give you a microscopic ray of hope. This wasn’t one of those occasions. Somewhat petulantly I play on until Tom arrives from Board 6 to fess up to his loss to Robin. Not being the first to lose means that I can now resign 0-2. Joachim is not far behind, his opponent Kevin has set his stall out and is waiting for Joachim to make an error, which he does. The white pieces fall like a bad turn at Jenga and Kevin puts Joachim out of his misery when he forces the ladies off the board. 0-3 and 3 boards to go. I almost miss this, Pete offers a Rook sacrifice to David B. Nope, I can’t see it and neither can anyone else as the ex- East Cheshire man gleefully snaffles the Rook and a resignation follows 0-4. Our Richard has a good position and is now a pawn up in a Rook and Pawn ending. However, with 7 minutes on the clock and no increments available he offers a draw and Mike readily accepts. Just Marc left and he has now run out of time and ideas against Colin and now his Knight is trapped. 5½ - ½ but no whitewash.

Heavily outgraded on the top 4, there were no individual scores that couldn’t be predicted but collectively a bad day at the office. A break from league chess for the C team and the next match will be a Presidents Cup tie providing a nice, relaxing sojourn in Marple before one fixture at Altrincham and then the Xmas break.

Congratulations to MC Colin and his Wilmslow team for a well-deserved win.

Thanks to all those who answered the call and a special thanks to Richard who played with less than 24 hours notice. I’m off to see my therapist whilst Mrs Hat mutters something like ‘For God’s sake it’s only a game’. She just doesn’t get it, does she?

ALAN IS LONE SPARKLER

ALAN IS LONE SPARKLER

Alan C was a lone sparkler in a night of confusion, chaos and carnage.

The Man with Hat is attempting to get 40 winks after his daily toil followed by a quick snack and a shower before heading off for what was always going to be a tricky fixture against East Cheshire. Then at 5.30pm he hears the sickening sound of his telephone and anyone who has captained will tell you they know, at that time, what this means. We are now a player down. An obvious replacement is Francis who is often at the club even when he has no game. His phone rings out and I am subsequently told that it has been lost. At the club we have Alan C who has never played a competitive game. Alan – you’re in, Alan we don’t need you now as Denzil is free, Alan we do need you now Denzil is needed for the Stoke league fixture and so on and on and on and on it went with Alan eventually joining the other 21 players for this double fixture. Man with Hat slumps into his newly elevated position of Board 1 opposite John who is massively out-grading me. I look down the far side of the room and there is Franny, I start to headbutt the palm of my hand a la John Cleese, this isn’t going to end well!

Almost immediately it became apparent that some clocks used in last week’s Stoke fixture had been reset incorrectly giving out increments of 10 minutes instead of 10 seconds. Cue pandemonium before the situation is finally resolved by the Secretary. A huge thank you and an apology from The Hat to the Secretary for still not achieving his NVQ Level 2 in Digital Clock settings. It should also be noted that this didn’t end well for the Secretary as after returning to his board he immediately blundered and resigned instantly.

And finally the chess… Tony was first back in the hutch after struggling with his opponent Geoff’s Owens Defence. He was looking in good shape until I realised he was a piece down. A similar fete awaited Marc who also fell after falling behind in material against Keven. Tom was also a piece down against Tudor and struggled in vain to equalise against the wily Welshman and author of the second best chess blog in the world. Board 5 and this looked better. John A looking for another score to add to his debut ½ from last month appeared to be well on course for at least a whitewash saving ½ until he blundered gifting the full point to his experienced opponent David T. Mr Hat was just happy not to be the first to finish or the second, third, or fourth. My opponent admitted that he had banged out the opening moves fast because he had played them so many times before. Since I was playing this without memory then I’ll take that as a compliment. Well played to John R though for his ruthless win and its now 0-5. Cue the resistance! Alone a man was standing, prepared to die on his sword if necessary. No way was he going to let this be a whitewash. A giant colossus of a man steps from the shadows and with a huge bishop begins to scythe down his opponents pawns. Alan, the last second stand in, in a beautiful game that ebbed and flowed had conquered Jim and secured a win that no-one had anticipated.

No more cheesy firework puns from this blogger – I’ve thrown them on the Pun fire!!

(A trademark shaking of the head and a sigh from Mrs Hat)!